Heartbeat
by rainbowdevice
Summary: And that's when my heart took over, pounding out an unquestionable staccato. I didn't know what to do. I always knew what to do. But this was an exception.
1. Blur

**AN: Hey guys! So, I know I've always loved Rece, but there's not that much out there. It's so sad. I will fix it, though! Most of my writing's gonna be about them. They're just so cute! *squeals* Anyway, this chapter is dark. Really dark. I tried not to be too graphic, but it still kinda is.. Whoops. Anyways, this is my first fic, so read, review, enjoy!**

**Oh, yeah, almost forgot, I don't own Shake it Up. I'm not affiliated with it, even. Well, except for the 181 Rece/Zendella pics on my phone and this fic. Well maybe that doesn't count. Whatever.**

* * *

Ba-dum.

There she is.

Ba-dum.

Cold, still, frozen.

Ba-dum.

I can't see her yet.

Ba-dum.

Ty doesn't think I should see her at all.

Ba-dum.

But what does he know?

Ba-dum.

I can't let her down.

Ba-dum.

Not after all she's done for me.

Ba-dum.

And what I didn't give her.

Ba-dum.

Mom's hand slips into mine.

Ba-dum.

She's pulling, tugging me to my feet.

Ba-dum.

Maybe Ty is right.

Ba-dum.

She was my best friend.

Ba-dum.

And she's in that coffin.

Ba-dum.

Mom pulls me down the aisle.

Ba-dum.

Up the steps.

Ba-dum.

I close my eyes.

Ba-dum.

Mom lets go.

Ba-dum.

My eyes flutter open.

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum.

I'm speechless. She's pale and perfect but there's no trace of my best friend. She's empty.

Ba-dum.

I barely hear the muted whispers.

Ba-dum.

They tickle my ears.

Ba-dum.

They're so faint.

Ba-dum.

All I really hear these days is my heartbeat.

Ba-dum.

Everything else is almost gone.

Ba-dum.

The doctor said I was in shock.

Ba-dum.

That this is normal.

Ba-dum.

She had been my best friend for years.

Ba-dum.

We had told each other everything.

Ba-dum.

How is my heart so slow and steady when my head is racing like this?

Ba-dum.

I refocus, my eyes on the sandy lid of the coffin.

Ba-dum.

My eyes travel down to rest on her face.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Her eyes are open.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

They were closed before.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

There's something wrong with them.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

The iris's tinged with red, little flares around the pupil.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

And they're resting on me.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

And it chills me to the bone.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I'm bolting down the steps.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

The people rise like a wave.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

They try to stop me.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I force my way through them.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

They can't catch me.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I'm out the doors.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Sprinting down the street.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

My feet jerk my body around a corner.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

My body can't keep up.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I fall. My knee's all bloody now.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I don't care.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I'm up again, continuing on the same path. Away.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

What just happened?

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

She can't be alive, she was dead.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

But she was alive.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

And she looked at me.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I don't understand.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I don't understand anything.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

I'm crying.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

I can't run anymore.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

I'm stumbling along a street.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

People are watching me.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

They point and whisper and stare.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

But they don't come near.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

The street looks familiar.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

I turn in a circle.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

My eyes land on a yellow-green dumpster.

Tucked into an alley.

The word love graffitied above it.

Uneven asphalt below it.

Black flecks everywhere.

Neon police tape in the entrance.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

No.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Not here.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Anywhere else.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

The people are gone now.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I cross the street dazedly.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

My hand caresses a brick.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

It all floods back.

* * *

_We had been shopping, I think. She had wanted me to grab food from Inside-Out Burger while she hit up my favorite shop on 37th Street. I had waved her on her way and picked up the usual. I expected her to take half an hour longer than usual, fussing over what the perfect birthday gift was. She was always like that about shopping, and even more about birthday gifts. She'd texted me to meet her at the corner of Toulade and 37th. I had agreed and decided to shop around the area, keeping an eye out for the redhead. I picked out some cute accessories, spending a little more than I should. Before I overdrew my card again, I pulled myself out to the corner and texted Cece._

'_Hey, are you almost done?'_

_Before I had put my phone away, there was a reply._

'_Paying. Got lunch?'_

_I typed an affirmative and tucked my phone away. She'd be here in five if I knew her. And I did. But I remember that I waited a while and she never showed. I began to get worried. If she was hungry, she would have been here when she said. I texted her asking where she was, but no reply ever came. After a few minutes of looking, my phone clutched tightly in my hands, I decided to check for her at the store. Maybe her phone died, that's why she didn't reply. Maybe she had gotten held up at that store she liked, the one with the cute male clerk. It was on the way back. I was sure I'd run into her at either, or maybe on the way. So I headed out, glancing in stores along the way. No sign of her. Eventually I landed in front of the hole-in-the-wall shop, pushing open the door. The owner greeted me halfheartedly, and I rushed over, questioning him about my best friend. He told me she had been there and pointed me in the direction she had gone. I thanked him profusely and hurried out, darting into the other store. The hot clerk also confirmed her presence, saying she hadn't bought anything. I resisted the urge to smack him, took a deep breath, and continued. The clouds above were getting darker, and I really wanted to get back to her house before it rained. Then I could actually get lunch. I paused next to a dumpster around the corner, an obvious landmark, and called her. Leaning on the wall with one hand on a deformed brick and the phone on speaker, I sighed as it rang over and over and over with no answer. Sighing, I almost put away my phone before I heard a noise. It sounded like Cece's ringtone. Muffled and faint but still there. And it sounded like it was coming from the dumpster. I turned just as it rang for the last time. Clumsily, I jabbed at the screen until I was calling her again. A few seconds later, the noise started up again, emanating from the depths of the dumpster. Cautiously, heart pounding, I pulled the lid up._

_And that's when my heart took over, pounding out an unquestionable staccato. I didn't know what to do. I always knew what to do. But this was an exception._

_I had found her._

_She was in there._

_Dead._

_I remember every detail. She was lying on her back, head tilted back and to the side. Her eyes were closed and her face slack. Death had probably brought it to her, because Cece always had an expression on her face. Her arms were wide open, palms up. One leg was bent, leaning heavily on the straight one. It had probably been upright while she was alive._

_And then there were the holes. They were everywhere. They littered her cheek, her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, her arms, her wrists, her palms, her waist, even her ankle. It was like someone had taken a poker to her. Blood was congealing in and around the holes, dark reminders that she was dead. It had washed over her, covering the multicolored garbage below her._

_She had been murdered in the dumpster._

_I was fumbling with my phone, calling Cece's mom. She picked up after a few rings, giving me a cheery, "Hey Rocky, what's up?"_

_My heart was pounding, steady and loud. I barely heard her question, and it took a few seconds to register._

"_Rocky?"_

_I took a deep breath. "Cece. Corner of Toulade Boulevard and 37th Street," I whispered. She sucked in a sharp breath, releasing it slowly._

"_Is she okay?"_

_That question made me catch my breath, and I stood there, eyes on my best friend's still face, silent. My heart pounded a slow rhythm in my chest, and I thought in shock. Cece was dead. Dead. As in no returns. She's not going to come back._

_I didn't notice anything. The line went dead, my screen went dark, cars began to pull up, but all I could do was stare. Her mom tugged me away, her hands gentle as she ushered me into the passenger seat of her cop car. I complied quietly, watching numbly as they went about their work, not even flinching as they lifted her covered body from its bloody home. I couldn't feel, I can't feel, I just sat like a stone as they loaded her onto the ambulance. My gaze broke and I looked down at my lap. Something broke when I saw her, and I don't know if it can be fixed._

* * *

I'm crumpled against the wall.

Ba-dum.

My face is wet.

Ba-dum.

My shirt is soaked.

Ba-dum.

I shouldn't be crying.

Ba-dum.

I haven't been crying.

Ba-dum.

Not the day I saw her.

Ba-dum.

But a week later, I'm bawling my eyes out like a little girl hurt by the big bad world.

Ba-dum.

And maybe I am.

Ba-dum.

I know I'm hurt.

Ba-dum.

But I didn't know I was wounded this badly.

Ba-dum.

There's a hole in my chest.

Ba-dum.

I can feel it growing.

Ba-dum.

Someone's walking towards me.

Ba-dum.

I can see their black flats hitting the ground.

Ba-dum.

It's steady and hypnotic.

Ba-dum.

They're close now.

Ba-dum.

Too close.

Ba-dum.

I turn away.

Ba-dum.

My hands hold my weight while my sandals struggle to gain traction.

Ba-dum.

They're behind me now.

Ba-dum.

I'm on my feet.

Ba-dum.

Before I run, I hear a voice as clear as day, and it cuts me to the bone.

Ba-dum.

"Rocky?" she whispers.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I turn slowly.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

My eyes rest on her feet first.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Black flats.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

They travel up.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

White tights.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I wipe my eyes.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Black pencil skirt.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Higher.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Thick silver belt.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

A bell rings dimly in the back of my head.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

White and gray button-up flannel.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Black blazer.

I can't look any higher than the collarbone.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

It's her.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I chose the outfit.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

It's her style.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Not the usual for a corpse.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Nobody complained.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Not that I can hear much these days.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

But I can hear her.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I must be hallucinating.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

She's dead.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I look up.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Pale lips, pink cheeks, perfect skin.

And those eyes.

Brown and caring, but there's something different. The red. I can't get over it. It's not her.

She's changed.

I don't know how or why, but this isn't quite my Cece.

"Breathe, Rocky."

I comply immediately, and my heart picks up its alarming tempo like it had never paused.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

"Cece?" It's the first thing I've said all week.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

"Yeah."

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I'm hallucinating, I'm definitely going crazy. The doctor said that it might happen.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

I take a breath and meet her eyes again.

"Look, I know you're wondering how-"

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

I envelop her in a hug.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

It feels like she's right here.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

But she pushes me away.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

Her eyes are wide.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

They're all red.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

Something's wrong.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Her hands are covering her face.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Over her mouth and nose.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Her eyes flicker over me.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

She gives me a longing look before turning and sprinting off.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

She can run a lot faster than I thought.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I can't get that look she gave me out of my mind.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

It was almost predatory.

* * *

**AN: Ooh, suspense. Yeah, I'm sure you've figured it out by now. But I'm not telling! Yet. God, I feel like there's so many errors with this. Grr. Oh well. My editor (ShinyRissy) loved it, so I'll try to update ASAP, so... Review!**

**And I promise I'll try to finish it! I'm super proud of myself for finishing a chapter, so maybe I can be extra proud for finishing a story. Reviews always help. :)**


	2. Mental

**AN: OMG GUYS THE REVIEWS! Thank you so much and keep going! Anyways, this is kind of a filler chapter, but I have a plan. Kinda. So, READ ON!**

**On a more serious note, this chapter is dedicated to the poor, starving, cold children of Siberia. Y'know, the cold part of Russia? I'm not sure how many there are, but read this chapter for them. Only you can end the pain.**

**I still don't own Shake it Up, in case you were wondering. You might have thought a miracle happened, but honestly...it didn't.**

* * *

I can't get our encounter out of my head.

Ba-dum.

Real or not, I still saw it.

Ba-dum.

Saw her.

Ba-dum.

I didn't see her before.

Ba-dum.

I haven't seen her since.

Ba-dum.

That alone is enough to make me wonder if I made it up.

Ba-dum.

I had to have imagined it.

Ba-dum.

My fingers trace over the scab on my knee.

Ba-dum.

It's not really even a scab.

Ba-dum.

It's little more than a bloody crust.

Ba-dum.

My finger catches on a patch of raw flesh.

Ba-dum.

I wince.

Ba-dum.

I couldn't have imagined running away.

Ba-dum.

Or falling.

Ba-dum.

And I know I ended up at the dumpster.

Ba-dum.

My parents found me there.

Ba-dum.

My dad told me I had probably been hallucinating after the shock of seeing her.

Ba-dum.

He was thrilled that I had been able to talk.

Ba-dum.

If stammering out her name and 'alive' over and over were considered talking.

Ba-dum.

It was better than the past week.

Ba-dum.

I had been considered a mute, but it was all in my head.

Ba-dum.

I had the ability, but I couldn't.

Ba-dum.

I choked on every word.

Ba-dum.

But it seemed that even if she was a hallucination, Cece had the ability to loosen my tongue.

Ba-dum.

I haven't talked since.

Ba-dum.

There's nothing to say.

Ba-dum.

I saw Cece.

Ba-dum.

Did I?

Ba-dum.

Was it real?

Ba-dum.

I can't tell.

Ba-dum.

I lean back against the brick wall

Ba-dum.

I read that people who hallucinate often can't tell if it was real or not.

Ba-dum.

That felt real.

Ba-dum.

She was warm and soft.

Ba-dum.

Her voice was right there, grinding into my ears like bits of glass.

Ba-dum.

And I don't mind the pain.

Ba-dum.

My fingernails rip of bits of dried blood until fresh blood is dripping out.

Ba-dum.

It hurts.

Ba-dum.

But it distracts me.

Ba-dum.

I need that.

Ba-dum.

I sigh and lean back against the wall.

Ba-dum.

I miss her.

Ba-dum.

So much.

Ba-dum.

I don't know what to do without her.

Ba-dum.

I don't know how to live without her.

Ba-dum.

We told each other everything.

Ba-dum.

We helped each other through everything.

Ba-dum.

And now, all I have are memories.

Ba-dum.

And it hurts.

Ba-dum.

My head drops between my knees.

Ba-dum.

I don't cry.

Ba-dum.

I can't cry.

Ba-dum.

My eyes are dry, but my mind is soaked with thoughts.

Ba-dum.

I can't take it.

Ba-dum.

I roll onto my knees, carefully avoiding the raw patch.

Ba-dum.

I'm not careful enough.

Ba-dum.

My knee scrapes against a patch of rust and I hiss, lifting it off the fire escape.

Ba-dum.

I push open the window, letting my other leg propel me into the room.

Ba-dum.

It's cold and uninviting without her.

Ba-dum.

Of course it is.

Ba-dum.

It's her room.

Ba-dum.

But the air is heavy with her.

Ba-dum.

I've slept here every night since I found her.

Ba-dum.

Nobody minds.

Ba-dum.

It's a coping mechanism, I guess.

Ba-dum.

Surrounding myself in Ceceness.

Ba-dum.

It doesn't bother me.

Ba-dum.

I have so many memories in this room.

Ba-dum.

They threaten to swallow me.

Ba-dum.

I rush into her bathroom.

Ba-dum.

There's not as many memories in there.

Ba-dum.

I stare at myself in the mirror.

Ba-dum.

I look awful.

Ba-dum.

And it bothers me.

Ba-dum.

The black tearstains on my cheeks from earlier.

Ba-dum.

The puffiness around my eyes.

Ba-dum.

The dark circles under my eyes.

Ba-dum.

My chewed nails.

Ba-dum.

The pallor in my skin.

Ba-dum.

I'm a wreck.

Ba-dum.

A spot of mascara on the bottom of the mirror catches my eye.

Ba-dum.

Seeing it is like getting punched in the gut.

Ba-dum.

That heart-shaped black paste holds a precious memory.

Ba-dum.

All of them are precious memories now.

Ba-dum.

I blink and refocus on it.

Ba-dum.

The memory knocks me to the floor.

* * *

"_Keep still!" she hissed in my ear, pulling the strings tighter. "I'm sorry, it's kind of hard to when my intestines are in my lungs!" I replied, turning to look at her. I frowned at her and she sighed, releasing them. "But, Rocky-" I held up a hand, stopping her words. "Look, Cece, it's really sweet of you to help me, but could you maybe tie it a little looser?" I asked, watching her face in the mirror. A small smile graced her lips, and her eyes flicked back down to the loose ribbons. "Fine, but I get to do your makeup," she bargained. I looked at her focused face in the mirror, puzzled. "Um, Cece, you already did my makeup," I reminded her. Her chocolate eyes flicked up to grab mine, and her focused expression quickly morphed into confusion then happy realization. "Yeah! I win again!" The jubilant look in her face cracked a smile out of me. Cece glanced down, and I felt a slight tug on my waist and she was pleased again. "Done!" she exclaimed. "Aww, thanks, Cece!" We both shift so we're face to face, parallel to the mirror. "Oh, hang on, some of your mascara's thin on your left eye," I noted, reaching for the tube. She held still while I gently pulled the bristles across her long lashes. "Thanks, Rocky," she said happily as I blew on the wet goo. "Oh, let me reapply that," she said, focused on my eyes. I handed over the mascara, and she quickly repeated my actions. She forcefully jabbed the brush at the container, missed, and sent it flying. "Oh, no," I muttered as it struck the mirror. "Great," Cece groaned. "That's my waterproof mascara! It'll never come out!" She pouted, turning to face me. "Come on, Cece, relax. It's on the bottom, and it's kinda shaped like a heart." She was still frowning. "We could try to get it out." I sighed. We did, but nothing we tried worked. _

_I groaned and sat back. "Cece, it's not coming out." I heard her mimic my actions. "I know. But at least we're not gonna be late to that dance!" she said brightly. I opened my mouth to comment, but bit my lip as she pulled out her phone. Her face fell as the screen jumped to life. "Seven thirty! We're late! C'mon, Rocky, we gotta go!" Her hand wrapped around my wrist and she jerked me out of the bathroom._

* * *

I draw in a ragged breath.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

This is the first flashback that's not the day she died, and remembering her like that cuts me to the bone.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Normal.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Happy.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Not covered in holes.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I lean my head against the bathtub.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

It's hard.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I hate this.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Every little thing sets me off.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Up till now, all I've seen is the day she died.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Sometimes the minute I found her.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Sometimes the entire day.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Mostly when I couldn't find her.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

And somehow, this memory stung the worst.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

Slowly, I push myself to my feet.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

My eyes lock on the treacherous fleck before I shut the door.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

I eye the open tub for a second before flipping the water on.

Ba-dum.

As the water heats up, I strip.

Ba-dum.

I forget about my knee again.

Ba-dum.

My waistband slides roughly over the warm flesh.

Ba-dum.

It's a split-second burst and my skirt is off quickly, but it stings.

Ba-dum.

I sigh. I need to pay attention.

Ba-dum.

Although, given today's events, I have a right to be distracted.

Ba-dum.

My brain begins to whirl as I peel off my top.

Ba-dum.

It's my fault she died.

Ba-dum.

All mine.

Ba-dum.

I jerk my rings off.

Ba-dum.

I could have gone with her.

Ba-dum.

I can't go on without her.

Ba-dum.

My fingers fumble with the clasp on my necklace.

Ba-dum.

I'm the reason she's dead.

Ba-dum.

I flip on the water.

Ba-dum.

I could've protected her.

Ba-dum.

Or at least given her time to run.

Ba-dum.

Stop thinking, Rocky.

Ba-dum.

You're gonna regret it.

Ba-dum.

I can't stop.

Ba-dum.

I have to stop.

Ba-dum.

I step into the icy spray, feeling cold fingers of water run down my spine.

Ba-dum.

It distracts me.

Ba-dum.

At least temporarily.

Ba-dum.

I focus on lathering myself with Cece; her soap, her shampoo, her conditioner, her scent.

Ba-dum.

The beat of my heart is my focal point.

Ba-dum.

It's steady, unchanging.

Ba-dum.

The freezing water fills me with a strange calm.

Ba-dum.

I can't explain it.

Ba-dum.

But I don't want to get out.

Ba-dum.

I'm afraid that if I do, my calm will go away and I'll break down again.

Ba-dum.

So I sit down, my head between my knees, and let my mind go blank.

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum.

Ba-dum.

A knock on the door interrupts my daze.

Ba-dum.

"Rocky?" Georgia calls. "Are you okay? You've been in there for almost an hour."

Ba-dum.

I shut off the water and wrap myself in a towel.

Ba-dum.

Georgia knocks again.

Ba-dum.

She knows I don't talk, so when I open the door, she scans my face.

Ba-dum.

I give her a weak smile, seeing the tears in her eyes.

Ba-dum.

She was worried about me.

Ba-dum.

She's always worried about me.

Ba-dum.

I always spent time here when Cece was alive.

Ba-dum.

Now that she's not, Georgia's all but adopted me.

Ba-dum.

So when I feel her arms around my waist, I'm not surprised.

Ba-dum.

I hug her back, and I know she smells the Cece scent on me.

Ba-dum.

She pulls away, cupping my face.

Ba-dum.

I don't know I'm crying until she brushes a tear away.

Ba-dum.

"It's okay, Rocky. Be strong," she whispers.

Ba-dum.

I don't know if I can be.

Ba-dum.

My best friend is dead.

Ba-dum.

But I push it back and nod at her.

Ba-dum.

I think she knows it's fake.

Ba-dum.

She can see the watery smile.

Ba-dum.

She can see right through it.

Ba-dum.

But she accepts it.

Ba-dum.

She squeezes my shoulder and leaves.

Ba-dum.

She's trying.

Ba-dum.

That's better than me.

Ba-dum.

I'm lost.

Ba-dum.

I turn back into the bathroom and toss my dirty clothes into the hamper.

Ba-dum.

I don't know how long I can take it.

Ba-dum.

I fumble with the light switch until the bathroom is dark.

Ba-dum.

Just like my head.

Ba-dum.

I tug my towel up and walk out.

Ba-dum.

The room's so empty.

Ba-dum.

Lifeless.

Ba-dum.

It haunts me.

Ba-dum.

She haunts me.

Ba-dum.

I still don't know if that was real.

Ba-dum.

My legs carry me to her dresser.

Ba-dum.

She felt warm.

Ba-dum.

Warmer than usual.

Ba-dum.

Like she had a fever.

Ba-dum.

I'm in her pajamas.

Ba-dum.

They're cold.

Ba-dum.

I was right.

Ba-dum.

The chill of the shower's gone, taking the calm with it.

Ba-dum.

I'm crying.

Ba-dum.

How did I not cry for a week?

Ba-dum.

Somehow, the dam broke and the waterworks have started.

Ba-dum.

I curl up in her bed, burrowed under the thin quilt.

Ba-dum.

That night, I do something I haven't done in years

Ba-dum.

I cry myself to sleep.

* * *

**AN: You likey? Me likey. I'm trying really hard to keep her in character, but it's hard because Rocky's never been sad. That's good, I guess, but not for a writer. And somehow by reading you've saved some Russian kids! I don't know how, but you have!**

**Review if you love me! Do you love me? You betcha do.**


	3. Lock and Key

**AN: Sorry it's been so long, guys! I've been drawing a bunch, and this chapter was just sitting in my files, halfway done, so decided to finish it. I hope you guys like it!**

**Oh, and is it just me or are Bella and Zendaya growing apart? It breaks my little shipper heart, because they're not as touchy and neither are Rocky and Cece. Which reminds me. I hate Tristian Klier, Logan, and James. They're perfect together! Grr. **

* * *

Bright light breaks the darkness.  
Ba-dum.  
Someone's holding my eyes open.  
Ba-dum.  
I attempt to blink and rub my eyes.  
Ba-dum.  
My knuckles knock small fingers off of my face.  
Ba-dum.  
It's Flynn.  
Ba-dum.  
He's talking.  
Ba-dum.  
At least I think he is.  
Ba-dum.  
I can see his mouth moving.  
Ba-dum.  
As I focus on my ears, I sink into the partial deafness I've been in.  
Ba-dum.  
It's better than what I could hear 5 seconds ago.  
Ba-dum.  
Which is nothing.  
Ba-dum.  
Now I can hear him.  
Ba-dum.  
"Rocky, get up, you have ten minutes to get to the train!" he's saying.  
Ba-dum.  
I jolt up, a squeaky "What?" bursting from my lips.  
Ba-dum.  
"Spring break is over. It's Monday, and you have to get to school," he explains slowly, like I'm a little kid.  
Ba-dum.  
I nod and sigh, running a hand through my hair. "Okay, um, thanks, Flynn," I say hesitantly.  
Ba-dum.  
He looks surprised.  
Ba-dum.  
Why?  
Ba-dum.  
Oh.  
Ba-dum.  
I talked.  
Ba-dum.  
I'm talking.  
Ba-dum.  
I swing my legs over the edge of the bed while he searches me.  
Ba-dum.  
"Well, I have to get ready," I push.  
Ba-dum.  
He takes the hint.  
Ba-dum.  
"Oh, all right, well, bye, Rocky," he says, not as confident as usual.  
Ba-dum.  
I watch as he leaves.  
Ba-dum.  
School. Focus, Rocky.  
Ba-dum.  
Right.  
Ba-dum.  
I stand up and rush to get ready, brushing my teeth, throwing my hair into a ponytail and throwing on a light layer of makeup.  
Ba-dum.  
I have to keep up appearances.  
Ba-dum.  
I don't know how I'll make it.  
Ba-dum.  
I have to.  
Ba-dum.  
I yank on long red jeans.  
Ba-dum.  
At least I'm wearing waterproof mascara.  
Ba-dum.  
A white tank top emblazoned with the British flag.  
Ba-dum.  
Her favorite country.  
Ba-dum.  
A sparkly blue belt winds through the loops.  
Ba-dum.  
The one I got her for her last birthday.  
Ba-dum.  
A bright aqua half-shirt with a red heart.  
Ba-dum.  
It's soft, like her hair.  
Ba-dum.  
White socks and blue combat boots.  
Ba-dum.  
Those were mine.  
Ba-dum.  
I hurry to toss on some matching jewelry, grab my bag, and rush out the door.  
Ba-dum.  
I barely make it to the train on time.  
Ba-dum.  
And as I sit there, I feel around in my bag.  
Ba-dum.  
There's an apple and a granola bar in a separate paper bag.  
Ba-dum.  
I smile.  
Ba-dum.  
Georgia's looking out for me.  
Ba-dum.  
Like I'm her daughter.  
Ba-dum.  
Because she doesn't have one anymore.  
Ba-dum.  
I bite my lip.  
Ba-dum.  
What am I gonna tell our teachers?  
Ba-dum.  
Aw man, Mr. Polk really likes her now.  
Ba-dum.  
How am I gonna tell him?  
Ba-dum.  
Wait, Cece's mom would have had to call the school.  
Ba-dum.  
That's awful.  
Ba-dum.  
Calling the school to tell them your daughter wouldn't be showing up because she can't.  
Ba-dum.  
Because she's dead.  
Ba-dum.  
I absently rip into the apple.  
Ba-dum.  
The red skin reminds me of the red patch under my red jeans.  
Ba-dum.  
Cece's red jeans.  
Ba-dum.  
The color of fresh blood.  
Ba-dum.  
Fresh blood turns dark when it's left alone.  
Ba-dum.  
Pooling out of your best friend.  
Ba-dum.  
Who was left in a dumpster while you searched.  
Ba-dum.  
And she's dead now.  
Ba-dum.  
Focus.  
Ba-dum.  
Eat your apple.  
Ba-dum.  
I take another bite.  
Ba-dum.  
I eat my apple in silence.  
Ba-dum.  
At least mental silence.  
Ba-dum.  
Mostly.  
Ba-dum.  
Granola bar now, Rocky.  
Ba-dum.  
Your stop is next.  
Ba-dum.  
Focus on that.  
Ba-dum.  
Focus on the food.  
Ba-dum.  
Whatever you do, don't focus on her.  
Ba-dum.  
I move like a robot.  
Ba-dum.  
Open, bite, chew, swallow, repeat steps 2-4 until granola bar is gone. Train stops, grab bag, exit train.  
Ba-dum.  
I hope the rest of the day isn't like this.  
Ba-dum.  
When I walk in the door, I know it won't be close.  
Ba-dum.  
And it makes me wish I could be a robot.  
Ba-dum.  
The looks thrown my way don't help.  
Ba-dum.  
The notes that fall out when I open my locker almost break me.  
Ba-dum.  
I have to stay strong.  
Ba-dum.  
But I can't.  
Ba-dum.  
There's an empty spot to my left as I pull my books out of my locker.  
Ba-dum.  
Keep it together.  
Ba-dum.  
Ignore the ripping sensation in your chest.  
Ba-dum.  
Breathe.  
Ba-dum.  
I blink and shut my locker.  
Ba-dum.  
First period starts in five.  
Ba-dum.  
I quietly make my way to Spanish.  
Ba-dum.  
I have a project due today.  
Ba-dum.  
Being me, of course it's done to perfection.  
Ba-dum.  
I did it before she – no, Rocky, no.  
Ba-dum.  
It's too late.

* * *

_"Rocky, do you really have to work on that now?" The groan came from above me, where Cece was sprawled on her bed. "Yes, Cece, it's due next Monday," I explained, and I heard her groan again, the sound of ruffling sheets accompanying it this time. Red hair tickled my shoulder as her head dangled over the edge, focusing on my pen as it danced across the yellow paper. "But it's so boring!" she complained, drawing out the last word. I sighed and lay my project aside. "Well, what do you wanna do?" I asked, turning to look at her. She stared into the distance for a second, thinking, before she replied. "I dunno." I let out a breath and roll my eyes, picking up my project. "But not this," she tacked on quickly. I groaned again and she pulled herself back up, only to drop down next to me. "Well, I need to finish this." I told her, and her forehead plowed into my shoulder. "But it's three in the morning!" she mumbled. My legs flattened, and I sighed. "I guess you're right. It wouldn't kill me to take a break." Her head shot up. "So we can go to bed?" Her face was hopeful and bright, but traces of the long night showed. "Fine, we'll go to bed." I reluctantly agreed, and she bounced onto the bed with a little squeak. I chuckled internally and packed everything up, listening as little complaints issued from the bed.  
"Rocky, hurry up!"  
"Really? You're organizing your pencils?  
"Do you have to have so many folders?  
"Rocky, you're taking forever!"  
"I'm tired!"  
"Could your computer shut down any slower?"  
"Why didn't I get blacklights?"  
"Aww, those shorts are cute! Maybe you could get them in bed?"  
Then, finally, she broke me.  
"Rocky!" she pouted. I groaned and shoved my binder in my bag. "Okay, okay, I'm coming!" I snapped, crawling into bed beside her. I felt her roll over, and her back pressed against mine. "Oh, and Rocky?" she murmured. "Hm?" I asked, shutting my eyes and burrowing deeper into the sheets. "Can you turn off the lamp?" I sighed, and I felt her freeze. "Love you, Rocky!" Her voice was higher than usual, nervous. I reached over and tapped the zebra lamp. The light went out, and I felt her press against my back, her hands on my shoulder. "You're cold, aren't you?" It almost wasn't a question. "Yep." Her answer came quickly. "Look, Cece, I'll go grab an extra blanket for you." Her hands clenched on my shoulder. "No, don't leave! You're warm." Her last words were mumbled as she buried her head in her arms. I sighed, patting her hand and shutting my eyes._

* * *

I rub my temples.  
Ba-dum.  
Ugh, another one.  
Ba-dum.  
I'm exhausted already, and first period hasn't even started.  
Ba-dum.  
I scratch at my skin.  
Ba-dum.  
Red marks follow my nails.  
Ba-dum.  
I need to stop doing this.  
Ba-dum.  
Stop thinking.  
Ba-dum.  
That makes me think of her even more.  
Ba-dum.  
Focus, Rocky, just get your project out.  
Ba-dum.  
The empty chair beside you was always empty.  
Ba-dum.  
Yep.  
Ba-dum.  
Always.  
Ba-dum.  
Just stop looking.  
Ba-dum.  
Even my thoughts sound like her.  
Ba-dum.  
And now, here comes aknife.  
Ba-dum.  
And he stands awkwardly next to me.  
Ba-dum.  
"Hey Rocky," James says, shuffling around.  
Ba-dum.  
I force myself to smile and give him a pained nod.  
Ba-dum.  
He can't read how fake the curve of my lips is.  
Ba-dum.  
Or the pain behind it.  
Ba-dum.  
Cece could.  
Ba-dum.  
Knock it off, Rocky!  
Ba-dum.  
"So, uh, where's Cece?" her boyfriend asks.  
Ba-dum.  
And the knife lands right in my heart.  
Ba-dum.  
"She, uh, won't be here for a while," I say quietly, focusing on my hands.  
Ba-dum.  
"When will she be back?" he asks like I should have told him.  
Ba-dum.  
The knife twists slowly.  
Ba-dum.  
The rush of pain blinds me.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
I'm on my feet, looking down at the now terrified nerd.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
"She won't be back! She died, okay? She's six feet under and nobody can do anything!"  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
I'm panting.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
From the way people are looking at me, I might as well be breathing fire.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
Maybe I did.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
It wouldn't surprise me.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
I sigh and glance around.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
Everyone's frozen, and they're all looking at me.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
My mouth is still open, and I begin to stammer out an apology before scooping up my bag and walking out of the room.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
And I walk fast.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.  
They can't see me cry.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum.  
I'm Rocky Blue.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum.  
I'm tough.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum.  
I can handle anything.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum.  
But I think something's changed.  
Ba-dum, ba-dum.  
Because this Rocky Blue feels broken.

* * *

I don't think I've ever described school this way before.  
Ba-dum.  
But honestly, there's no other way.  
Ba-dum.  
School was a disaster.  
Ba-dum.  
My perfect attendance is ruined.  
Ba-dum.  
Smashed, shattered beyond repair.  
Ba-dum.  
Ty had to stop me from murdering a kid who had the nerve to insult Cece.  
Ba-dum.  
Ugh, I hate Drew.  
Ba-dum.  
Cece had a crush on him before she dated James.  
Ba-dum.  
An image begins to dawn in the back of my head, and I quickly push it back.  
Ba-dum.  
I've had enough pain today.  
Ba-dum.  
That's why I'm ditching tomorrow.  
Ba-dum.  
I don't know if I can handle another day of this.  
Ba-dum.  
Cleaning out her locker.  
Ba-dum.  
All these looks.  
Ba-dum.  
The gossip.  
Ba-dum.  
The questions.  
Ba-dum.  
The silence.  
Ba-dum.  
I toss another piece of popcorn in my mouth.  
Ba-dum.  
I feel like I'm splintering into a million pieces.  
Ba-dum.  
I shove the bowl of popcorn aside.  
Ba-dum.  
I have to go somewhere.  
Ba-dum.  
Anywhere.  
Ba-dum.  
And I know just the place.  
Ba-dum.  
I snatch my key ring and leave my room.  
Ba-dum.  
My mom sees the keys and nods at me as I walk into the living room.  
Ba-dum.  
"Crusty's again?" she asks.  
Ba-dum.  
I nod.  
Ba-dum.  
She shrugs and goes back to folding clothes.  
Ba-dum.  
I hurry to the pizza place, hoping I'll run into Deuce.  
Ba-dum.  
He'll freak out again if he sees me on the security footage.  
Ba-dum.  
Now is not the time for a flashback, Rocky.  
Ba-dum.  
The restaurant's dark when I get there.  
Ba-dum.  
Fantastic, I get to deal with a spazzy Deuce tomorrow.  
Ba-dum.  
Well, he gave us keys, what does he expect?  
Ba-dum.  
I quietly unlock the door and pad downstairs.  
Ba-dum.  
It looks eerie in the dark.  
Ba-dum.  
But I don't bother with the lights, just plop into a chair.  
Ba-dum.  
As my eyes adjust to the lighting, memories pop up.  
Ba-dum.  
Everywhere I look.  
I made a mistake.  
Ba-dum.  
I shouldn't have come here.  
Ba-dum.  
I drop my head onto my arms.  
Ba-dum.  
I can't take it.  
Ba-dum.  
My gut clenches.  
Ba-dum.  
I feel like someone's watching me.  
Ba-dum.  
Someone dark.  
Ba-dum.  
Time slows down as I turn to look behind me.  
Ba-dum.  
Usually nobody's there.  
Ba-dum.  
This time, I lock eyes with a predator.

* * *

**AN: I know, the whole 'you're warm' bit has been played out, but who cares, it's adorable. The ending's kinda dark, and I'm trying to make the next chapter as dark as the first one. So, what'd you think about this one? Love it? Hate it? I wanna know! **

**~uni xoxo**


	4. Unanswered

**AN: Sorry for the long wait! I had some severe writer's block with this chapter, but I like how it ended up. It's progressing a little faster in some places than I had thought, but I'm taking my time on the romance. Just wait. It'll happen. **

**But for now, enjoy some cold hash browns as you read this chapter!**

**This chapter's like half the words of the others forgive me D:**

* * *

I'm frozen.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I can't breathe.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Those eyes.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I would know them anywhere.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I really shouldn't be surprised.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

The mind is a tricky thing.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

But when I see those multicolored eyes, I don't know what to think.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Well, I guess I am now.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I can't focus these days.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Not even now, when I feel like my life's in danger.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

A flash of light from a passing car jolts me from the trance.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

That's who I thought it was.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

But I never thought I'd be afraid for my life around my best friend.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

Well, that time I danced on the airplane was pretty similar.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

But this time, I'm scared of her.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I push through it.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

To her.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

I suck in a breath and take a step closer.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

She stays there, and I can see how scared she is.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

"Cece," I whisper. I want to hug her, but I won't risk what happened last time.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

My imagination really hates me, doesn't it?

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

I don't want her to leave.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

She's already gone.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

And it's all my fault.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

Focus, Rocky!

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

I barely notice her head nod.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

I watch her eyes.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

She looks scared.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

Really scared.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

Her eyes are wet, too.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

And suddenly, my fear is overridden by my concern.

Ba-dum, ba-dum.

"Come here," I say, opening my arms. It's an open invitation, take it or leave it.

Ba-dum.

And I have to admit, I'm glad when she takes it.

As soon as she's in my arms, my heartbeat fades away. All I'm focused on is the hallucination clinging to me like her life depended on it.

Her arms wind tightly around my waist and she buries her head in my chest. So I stroke her hair and whisper sweet nothings to her as she cries. I don't know why she's afraid, but as her best friend, I will find out. Even if she's not real. If I am going crazy, what can I do about it?

Besides, I miss Cece. This is the best I've got.

I tune back in to imaginary Cece. Her sobs have turned to little hiccups, and I press a kiss to the top of her head before loosening my grip. She already has, and she looks up at me with those almost-brown eyes. "I'm sorry, Rocky," she whispers. "For what?" I ask, taking her hands. She didn't do anything bad before she died. All of it was my fault.

"For leaving you," is her answer. I blink in shock. "Fo-for leaving me?" I squeak, jabbing my chest. "What? You didn't do anything wrong. It's my fault you're dead! I'm the one who didn't go with you! It's just-" I pause for a breath, thinking of how to continue, but Cece cuts me off. "Rocky, it's not your fault." I open my mouth to protest. Of course it was my fault, how did she not see it? Her hand covers my mouth before I can say anything, and she sighs before continuing. "Rocky, I'm the one who got distracted and stopped at the store with the cute clerk. If I hadn't, I'd be the same Cece." Her hand falls off my face and curls into a ball on my chest. She sighs, pressing something into my hand. I can't see it in the dark, but it feels like a box. "W-what is this this?" I ask, looking at her uneasily. "Happy birthday, Rocky," she says softly. "But it's not my birthday," I tell her. Or is it. "Right?" I ask, just to be sure. "No, it's in a couple days. Come on, I'm supposed to be the dumb one, and you can't remember your own birthday?" Her teasing's halfhearted, and her hand moves to brush hair out of her face before falling to her side. She sucks in a breath. "It's on Friday. I don't know if I'll see you before then, and I just want you to have this. I got it for your birthday anyways so...it's the polite thing to do." The look on her face tells me she's about to cry again, so I smile. "Thanks, Cece. It means a lot," I say, putting a hand on her arm. This redhead is so much more fragile than my fiery redhead. I sigh. It's gonna be really hard to leave her.

I know she's gone, but it always seems so real.

I run my thumb over the corner of the box. That feels real, too. I look down. When will it end?

A thought crosses my mind, but it's too late.

"Hey, Cec-"

"I'm sorry, I have to go," she interrupts me, pushing past me into the darkness. She pauses, just close enough that I can still make her out.

"Bye," she mumbles painfully.

"Bye," I reply wistfully, and she disappears into the darkness.

I'm left with more questions than I came here with.

* * *

As soon as I push into the apartment, Georgia's all over me. The first thing she notices is the wet spot on my shirt, which shocks me. It's right where Cece cried. But she isn't real, so it couldn't have happened. Right?

But I explain to her that I decided to have a cup of water at Crusty's and spilled it, which seems to put her mind at ease. At least momentarily, because now she realizes that I've gone to Crusty's. Alone. At night. Even though it's right below our apartment building, she still fusses until I agree not to go without someone.

And now she realizes that I'm talking. She gives me a big hug, congratulates me, and makes me promise not to let her out of my life. I hadn't planned on it, so that promise is easy.

Finally, she notices the box. She goes quiet for a second before asking me about it. I answer honestly, that its a birthday gift from Cece. She doesn't push it any farther, just kisses my cheek and sends me to bed.

* * *

I place the box on my dresser as I crawl, freshly showered, into bed. I don't exactly understand what's going on, but I'm not sure I'm hallucinating anymore.

It's only now that I notice what's been missing since I saw the redhead. My heartbeat. It seems to have quieted down, probably from the shock of having Cece so near it again. Or maybe I'm getting over losing her. The thought alone makes me snort. As if.

I have so many questions, so few answers. I just wish I knew where to start.

* * *

**AN: Yep, little bit of Rece! Just in the friendly way, though. They're super close, so it's instinct, I guess. Reaching for them when you have nobody else to reach for. **

**Heh. Well, did you like it? I hope you did! Sorry for the long wait, and please review! Also, check out my new story, Crayons!**

**...**

**REVIEW!**


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